Load Last Save Has Been Bought By Tencent

看看这些乳头。

Load Last Save has been acquired by Tencent

Hey, everyone! Or should I say Ni Hao!

As you can see, Load Last Save has been bought by Chinese gaming juggernaut Tencent. This presents a whole host of new and exciting opportunities for content. Same humor, the same informative game reviews, but now with 56% more value to investors!

Here’s a list of the new features coming soon to Load Last Save!

Wow! Look at all that synergy! We’ll be leveraging our assets in no time. The investors are really gonna like this, but so will you, dear reader! We may have changed owner, but we’re still committed to delivering high-quality games journalism. As a third priority. Fourth, actually, once you take taxes into account.

Battlepass

Read Load Last Save articles to gain Experience! Level up your battlepass to gain cool rewards, like skins and charms for your gun. There’s a paid track, which has all the good stuff, and the free track, which has one reward every ten levels, and it’s all junk. Just by playing, you can earn skins for Roger, like a recolor, or one that makes him look worse than his base skin.

Each article grants you 10 Exp, and you need 1,000 Exp for each level. If you want to skip the grind, you can buy a booster, which grants a whopping 50 Exp, for only 5,000 Roger Points!

Roger Points are sold in multiples of 47.

• 141 points: $5.99

• 423 points: $11.99

• 1,269 points: $26.55

• 2,118 points: $41.33

Each item can be bought with an esoteric combination of two or more points bundles. They’re mathematically engineered to leave an inconvenient amount of points after a purchase.

This will generate approximately 4.45% more investor value than not having a battlepass.

NFTs

A new series of Roger-themed NFTs. They each have different shirts, accessories and more. There are four rare Rogers, that unleash their respective Horseman of the Apocalypse when they’re generated!

AI Integration

Using new advances in Artificial Intelligence, we can integrate large language models into Load Last Save, cutting down on time spent on things like creativity or actually playing games.

Here’s a sample of the kind of quality you can expect from our cutting-edge AI RogerGPT.

Prompt: Generate a funny, snarky review for Deadlock.

Deadlock is a third person moba shooter developed by Valve. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines Valve as any of numerous mechanical devices by which the flow of liquid, gas, or loose material in bulk may be started, stopped, or regulated by a movable part that opens, shuts, or partially obstructs one or more ports or passageway. Uh… I guess that’s a thing.

You’ll be zipping across the map playing as one of 20 cool new heroes, such as Abrams. Heart-pounding gunfights, edge of your seat action, and magic collide to bring you an experience that’s not just a game –it’s a fight for survival. Studies show that people who play Deadlock -- have a 23% increase in penile mass. He’s right behind me-- isn’t he?

Fascinating! With this new system, our writers can spend less time writing, thus less time getting paid. The results are indistinguishable from their usual output. Now we can cut spending, and increase profits by transferring them from the writer’s room to one of our many cobalt mines.

With this AI, we can even generate the art for the articles, freeing up our artists to -you guessed it- spend more time down in the mines.

Wow! Look at that quality! You can barely tell it was made by a machine. We still can’t explain the sigil, though. Every time we prompt it to remove it, it gets more visible, and our engineers start speaking backwards and bleeding from their eyes. Maybe our datacenter needs more RAM.

DLSS5

With this new AI, we’ll be able to implement DLSS5, giving you articles with up to 50% more frames per second. There will be a slight increase in power consumption. Each article will require, at minimum, an RTX 6090Ti and 500 Watts of power. We recommend hooking up the graphics card to its own circuit, so it doesn’t blow a fuse.

Lay-offs

After that, we’ll be laying off 80% of our workforce. All those AI advancements aren’t cheap, you know. We need to pay for the data centers, thousands in power and water bills, RAM prices are insane, we need thousands of GPUs and we have to pay the armed guards to keep the copper thieves at bay.

After all of that, if we eliminate 80% of the employees at Load Last Save, we can generate more profits, none of which will go to the employees. Employee, singular, I should say. Roger would be the only one working here. He’ll do the job of all the other employees, producing lower and lower quality articles until he dies of overexertion.

Lay-offs 2

Everyone else is being laid off. Including me, the guy writing this and handling the acquisition.

HERE COMES THE AI

End of Service

Running a business can be tough. Employees, rent and balancing the books are all things you must consider when running a business. These are expensive-- and spending money is bad for business-- you need to profit. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines profit as “a valuable return”. It was Socrates who once said “get money, fuck bitches”. Here at Tencent-- we don’t only get money-- we fuck bitches-- by bitches we mean employees-- and by fucking them-- we mean-- well, you know what that means (fish).

After we have gotten rid of all the useless workers in our company-- we can finally reach our zenith-- not just our zenith, but our peak, top and apogee. Zero human interaction-- the real end game-- the thing we strive for. AI won’t just replace the workers-- it will replace the consumers, too. You, dear reader, will also be replaced by AI. An AI that can read each article two billion times faster than a human. Each article will have trillions of views just seconds after publishing. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines publishing as-- “the business or profession of the --commercial production and issuance of literature, --information --musical scores --or sometimes recordings, or art. Not just art --but art.

Conclusion

We-- At Tencent-- hope you’ll enjoy your time-- not just your time-- your time in the cobalt mines. Load Last Save will continue to run until the heat death of the universe, pumping out reviews every second-- these reviews will be read billions of times by robots-- generating infinite profits-- the line will go up-- forever-- we won’t stop-- that’s not a thing-- content is infinite-- it’s battlepasses and lay-offs all the way down.

Awkward!

Now GET BACK TO WORK, WAGIE